Thursday, January 28, 2010

Call Me A Pervert

My obsession with older men began at the age of four. The first man I ever professed my love for was a young, but too old for me at the time, Brad Pitt. Our imaginary affair lasted for a few years until I got a letter in the mail from him, declaring his love, but my excitement soon subsided after finding his signature had clearly been forged by my father. This made me realize that Brad could never really love me, our wedding that I fantasized would never take place, and that my dad, who loved to play practical jokes on me, was lying about Janet Jackson being my real mother.
After the realization that a celebrity was totally out of my league, I moved onto my dads friends. For some reason he had a lot of really hot friends. They were these guys that looked like actors but weren't really actors. I figured I could deal with that, I mean I couldn't be pushy, I was only 9 years old. So at my dads wedding to my stepmother, dressed in my white flower-girl gown, looking like a mini-bride to-be...I waited. I waited until Art, the "Hippie Guy" of my dads friends, would ask me to dance. And I waited all night. I got a lot of pity dances that night from other older male friends of my father. One even went as far as kissing me on the cheek, thinking that would cure my appetite for man. But I wanted Art.
Art was worth the wait. He finally asked me to dance towards the end of the night, and luckily the photographer captured my first happiest moment with a person of the opposite sex. I was gleaming from ear to ear. I wanted whatever song we were dancing to, to last forever. But when the song ended, our dancing ended, and I didn't get the first kiss I had desired. It felt more like, "there, are you happy little girl?"
"Yeah, I'm happy, but I want more".
I knew I wasn't going to get more, I was too young. I had better wait until I'm 16.

Unfortunately, the older I got, the more I started to like guys closer to my age. But when I discovered Teen Bop Magazine, I found that teenagers could be sexy too, as long as they had their shirt off. So I started falling in love with Ryder Strong, Joseph Gordon Levitt, and Devon Sawa. Then, Leonardo Dicaprio came around and forced me to watch Titanic, a billion times. After that, 'Nsync tore up my heart, and even though JC was still too old for me, at least I wasn't four anymore.
Now, I am engaged to a guy who is about 2 years older than me. I finally reached that age where trying to date a 26 year old is not creepy.

However, I occasionally like to be reminded of being young and in love with a man much older.
So I watch movies about young girls having torrid affairs with men twice their age. Ever since I first saw Poison Ivy, I have had this yearning for more cinema with this same subject matter.
When I stumbled upon the remake of Lolita with Jeremy Irons and Dominque Swain, I wanted it even more. Call me a pervert, but a love story about a young girl doing it with an older man is extremely titillating. Although, Irons was far too old for my taste, it still resembles something vaguely familiar about my childhood obsession with older men. Lucky for me, it was only fantasy, where I figured I would kiss them at best, not have my clothes ripped off and ravaged. But sex sells in the movie world, and it sold me.

I most recently discovered l'amant (The Lover), a film about a young french girl who begins an affair with a rich China man in Saigon. It was an excellent film, lots of T/V/A of the girl, played by Jane March. In the movie, March reminds me a lot of that actress from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and "Entourage", Alexis Dziena. I suppose they have more in common than just looks, they both have slutty looks on their faces, play slutty characters, and do a lot of nudity.

Also, they both love to sport a huge bush when appearing naked on camera.

For the most part, I am over old men. But one man who has recently done it for me, is an actor named James Morrison, at 56 years of age, he is one hot silver fox. He played Bill Buchanon on "24", but went out in smoke, dying in an explosion last season. James is thoroughly missed on that show.


  1. What about your love for Chris Noth......

  2. hahaha i know i left that out bc then it would have been too long of a story. this is the short version.

  3. YOU are hilarious! OMG, I'm dying!

  4. i guess it's a good thing that Art didn't give you your first kiss, it probably would have caused quite the stir at your dad's wedding! (and probably have ruined their friendship as well...)